Yah I know why Christmas should be jolly. But Christmas this year don’t feel that way.

Despite having more activities this year, it actually feels much sadder than last year’s. And knowing that Christmas is a time to rejoice and how everyone is happy and jolly just makes it worse.

Christmas is all about the love of God, but where is God is all this?

Just came back from a Christmas gathering at one of my aunt’s place, feeling really drained having not slept the night before. It’s an annual thing where the families on my mom’s side meet up at their eldest sister’s place, have dinner/party/bbq and give presents to the children, who now aren’t really children anymore.

This year’s gathering saw more people than the usual crowd. A few cousins who chose to “pon” the last few Christmas decided to turn up today in full force. And we had not-that-distant relatives which I like have never seen before or once so long ago that I forgotten.

Turned out our grandfathers were siblings so that means our parents are cousins so er… well I dunno what that makes us. Anyway that got my grandma talking about marriage between us! How did she get onto that subject at all? Ok so it’s interesting finding out that in order for first cousins to marry, their mothers must both be sisters. Basically you can’t marry into anybody on your father’s side of the family. Well that’s just tradition though I’m not sure it makes a great difference genetically.

Amongst us cousins we have this division into cliques in descending order of our ages, and I happen to be the youngest in the oldest clique of four - the number sufficient for a game of bridge or any common game. There’s always this grouping during any large scale gathering that I guess is due to the closeness to the age, where we’ll just entertain each other while the older adults go yak about the family lineage and blah blah.

Well now that the eldest cousin is married and has a little daughter which everybody fusses over the moment they arrive, and the other two sometimes busy with their boyfriends, I guess it’s beginning to get a little lonely at such gatherings.

Just before reaching home, my parents made a remark on how my cousin’s new boyfriend is much better than the last. I just hate people thinking that way. I mean who are we to judge or compare which is better? I don’t understand why people want to be so kaypo into other people’s business and make such comparisons.

Makes me wonder if my ex-girlfriend family have ever compared me with her current boyfriend, making remarks like “’see he’s much better than that Wai Kay, who was blah blah blah…” Not that they actually do but I really really can’t stand this kind of thinking. I just don’t think it’s fair of anyone else to do that kind of comparison. Who are we to compare? I’d never want my parents to do that kind of comparison between my future girlfriend and my ex, or any other persons, which I don’t think that will be the case.

Haiz, we’re all just humans after all.